Month: December 2015

Making fantasies together

We are the makers of our fantasies
Steering us away from reality
Made of images we create in our minds
Leading us towards the wildness we can find
Together we explore all realms of being
Sensual maybe kinky but totally freeing
Trust that binds us allows for sharing
All ideas pondered our intimacy baring
Expression lands us raw and intense
Ideas unlocked excitingly immense
So many situations and fun to try out
Partners of pleasure no limits no doubt
Flying high on clouds of delight
Fanning the flames our joy alights
Making the visions we hold in our head
Come alive and excite instead

Resentment preventing us being content

Resentment carried over the years, can lay heavy in our hearts, sour our lives and our  relationships. It can be a response we rely on heavily throughout life, when people behave in ways that we see as effecting our value as a human being. We can carry  feelings  of resentment for years, it can have profound effects on our happiness and on our ability to relate in present day relationships. In order to reduce these feelings we have to try to change how we view events. We cannot change what has happened in the past, but we can change how we interprete those events. The events have happened, they are not condoned, nor are the actions of other people. We just reduce their importance in the here and now.
Everytime we see past events in the same way, we produce the same emotional effect as when the event occurred. We also react in the same way to new issues perpetuating reactions in the present.

Why would we want to change how we perceive these events?

We need to do it for us, it reduces the hurt/anger that we feel, when those events, still impact on our lives. Changing our reactions to events that make us feel disempowered, abused,unhappy, angry can be transformational.

How do we view our experiences and how can we change that viewpoint?

We assign meaning to what we see, due to our learned beliefs and our predjudices.We choose how we view events, although it may be an unconscious choice. So in order to stop past events and emotional responses; Plus that learnt reaction method, from dominating our present lives and relationships, we need to examine them and how we view them. Then try to view them differently. Change your invisible glasses to get a different perspective.

Make a list of the issues where you feel that others are to blame for circumstances in your life. Issues from parents, previous lovers, brothers and sisters,coworkers.
How are these issues impacting on your life in the here and now? Choose one issue to deal with and work on changing your viewpoint.

Issues may be due to feelings of rejection, abandonment, abuse, lack of love,lack of feeling valued, feeling lack of care, feeling second best… Please comment and add to the list.

Experiment with different strategies to look at your issue differently so that you get a different emotional response.
 

Definition of Resentment

noun  re·sent·ment \ri-ˈzent-mənt\

Simple Definition of resentment

: a feeling of anger or displeasure about someone or something unfair

Full Definition of resentment

:  a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

Examples of resentment

She bore bitter feelings of resentment toward her ex-husband.

He’s filled with resentment at his boss.

He expressed his resentment of the new policies.

Synonym Discussion of resentment

offense, resentment, umbrage, pique, dudgeon,huff.

Merriam-Webster online dictionary.

Part 2 will look at strategies for purging resentment to improve your relationship and your life.

Text Snippets from Crozzle. A new flirtation.

Steve : Hello are you playing?
Christine : Yes I am Just had answer the telephone
Christine : Do you like to play your games quickly?
Steve : I try to yes, but I understand if your busy no worries.
Christine : its ok I have so many many games ..so am playing in between ….rather doing lots of other things
Steve : Your very good.
Christine : Thank you..there is a degree of luck to the random especially…the tile placing and the letters…and its never over till its over. In some games I am lagging behind…but love words and games of many sorts so always a pleasure to play. win or lose.
Steve : Yes I agree it’s fun to play and you can meet some very interesting people.
Christine : I have a love of words am aspiring to write….and  want to write poetry about love. …
Steve : That is way cool.
Christine: My name is Christine and I live in Scotland.
Steve : Steve I live in Arizona.
Christine : From the States but playing the English Board.
Steve: I prefer not to play Americans they might be looking for a permanent relationship.
Christine: That’s good you are clear about what you want and you are taking steps to avoid conflict. 
Steve: I am a single father of two, divorced and I intend to stay single. I have a girlfriend but I dont live with her and its really only a sexual  friendship.
Christine: Gosh is she happy with that or does she want more? Sorry talking not playing!
Steve : It’s fine I usually won’t talk but your, interesting, and sexual, I like that. And yes I do have to remind her I don’t want a relationship at all Just sex.
Christine : She needs to want that too or sooner or later she will demand more…or get hurt..but as long as you are honest and you obviously have been…if she comes to you on that basis she takes responsibility for that..and any damage she does to her own relationship…its hard though.
Christine: I have done cybersex with a few people on here, and am a little in love with one of the guys.
Steve: I am getting a little aroused at the thought. Please don’t take the question wrong but does doing cybersex arouse you?

Enabling your partner to develop

To get the best out of relationships and to enable each partner, to develop, into the person they want to be. Each, needs  to assist the other, to fulfill their ambitions and potential. However it must be what the partner wants to achieve,  not what you want. It is not about your vision for your partner it is about their journey. The role is support whilst they travel the road, enabling them space, being non judgemental, showing encouragement. It not about fixing the perceived shortcomings you see in them..
If we carp and chivvy and impose our own agenda, this strains the relationship and causes  resistance or resentment, this can test a relationship to breaking point.

Do you know what your partner truly wants to do with life, have you asked, since those heady new love days? Do you think you know what they want, you know how they think after all,what their issues are, or do you?. Does your partner really have a handle on how you want to move forward in life  what your secret ambitions are?

To keep your relationship expanding and evolving, it is necessary to work towards dream fulfillment. Partners need to share dreams and support their partners in theirs. Each has to take responsibility for their own experiences and be available to assist their partners. Trust , communication , and openness is needed to make the best of the relationship process.

Sharing to recharge

The burdens of life and stresses of the day
Don t need to wedge us, gone and away
We are here, with  ear and heart
Sharing good and bad, though miles apart
Our thoughts and concerns dont need to stew
Sometimes its good, to have another’s  view
A different take, a voice of reason
Helps us regain the silly season
Sharing means, perspective is regained
Or fun and laughter ease the strain
Sometimes its pure joy we share
Life is good no need for repair
Sexy images and fantasies
Make us happy boost realities
With love and joy in our hearts anew
Helps  navigate,to expand our fields of view

Two Share

Two lives touch, Two lives Converge
Two hearts beat, Two  minds merge
Two worlds together,Two stand alone 
Two agendas, Two swoon
Two phones, same mind
Two halves, pleasure, both might find
Two wet, Two cream
Two share, transient dream
Peace relief pleasure time
Two remember it’s a fantasy rhyme.