Using Euphony in a Poem.

Mythic Whisper Poem

A thin shiver of hush brushes your cheek,
as if the dark itself has reached out to speak your name.
Not darkness
something older wearing the dark
like a borrowed cloak.It moves with the ancient authority
of a presence that has crossed
too many thresholds
to bother announcing itself.A breath stirs.
Not wind.
Not ghost.
A hush with lineage,
a sound born before sound
when the world was still deciding
how to shape its first syllable.It circles you,
a slow turning of warmth and shadow,
tracing the outline of your listening
as if mapping a constellation
only it can see.When it speaks,
it is not in words
but in the low thrum
of something remembering you
not from this life,
but from the long corridor
of before.You feel it in the ribs first,
a soft pressure,
a knowing that rises
like a lantern lit inside bone.The whisper leans closer.
The air brightens.
The dark deepens.
And you understand:This is no message.
This is a return.
A calling‑home
from the oldest part of yourself—
the part that once walked
with shadow‑beings and river‑spirits,
the part that knew how to listen
to the hush beneath the world.And as the whisper settles
against your skin,
you feel your name
given back to you
not as a sound,
but as a story
you have only just begun
to remember.

I have tried to use a particular sound family in the poem.
This is a whisper poem and I used
sh / s / th / h / l / m / n / r
Those are all flowing consonants. They encourage exhalation.
It is supposed to live almost entirely in breath, hush, shadow and resonance rather than percussion. Try saying the first line out loud and feeling the words.

A thin shiver of hush brushes your cheek

Almost no hard consonants.
You have
th sh sh br ch
The mouth barely closes.
It slides.
A thin hush shivers across your cheek

Would it sound better if it was tweaked

A thin hush shivers across your cheek
It has great echoes or the first version has the noun phrase shiver of hush?

Anybody got any thoughts?