Finding the way to a more fulfilled Relationship. 1.

Knowing how to find something positive in a truly negative looking situation  is the way to find inner happiness.  Inner happiness enables more fulfilled relationships.

Most of us want of a deeply connected relationship that grows better and more intimate with time. We believe that our twin soul is out there somewhere if only we could find them. If our present relationships are not giving the connections we crave, we may continue looking, searching yearning for the perfect partner. For most of us, though, the perfect  relationship won’t suddenly appear as if by magic, we may already have it, but have just lost sight of it, or we are,maybe, still be searching. Lifelong compatibility takes work, once the first thrill and excitement burn away, we need to maintain and build on what we have.
The work we need to do  has to be mainly on ourselves and how we interact in our relationships. We can’t leave it to fate, or our significant others. There are changes we can make right now, that will allow a more fulfilled relationship experience into our lives.
If life was just about finding the ideal mate, going with  love at first sight, no further work to be done then divorces should be less and more people should be enjoying healthier, happier relationships.

Often though, that seemingly ideal match will begin to lose its shine over time, particularly if both people aren’t developing and nurturing qualities, that will continually breathe new life into their relationship. What we can never do, is directly change the other person, in order to have the sort of relationship we want, we have to work on the issues within our own sphere of influence.  There are things in our own characters we don’t admit to, or  that  we don’t want others to see, or issues…beliefs  buried in our subconscious, that we are unaware of. Any of these things can get between us and our relationships. They can stop us dealing effectively with the issues in many spheres of our lives. Uncovering and acknowledging self-defeating behaviour, or recognizing when we are being manipulative, blaming, or judgmental, can be difficult. Rather than disguising or burying  fears, we need to  make an effort to draw them out so we can explore and understand them. People who approach life in a spirit of discovery know that every experience and interaction can help them in their pursuit to see themselves more clearly and ultimately to feel happier.

ln order to get the best from life and relationships, we need the awareness to let go of unnecessary judgments and expectations about the world and what happens in it.  Trying to be open, not judgemental , can help us to be receptive to others opinions even if we don’t  agree with them . This doesn’t mean adopting an artificially positive attitude or denying what’s happening or what we are feeling. It means continually growing in our ability to accept what is, including what’s happening and what we are feeling. Being able to apply  this attitude to our relationships enables them to grow and be dynamic. If we can rein in having numerous expectations about what other people should or shouldn’t do, approach everyone with openness and receptivity  this can help you to see the situation from a different view point.
This one change in thinking and acting in our primary relationships can change a miserable experience into an amazing one.

With every situation we encounter ,we have choices in how we respond, we can respond from a place of resistance or from a place of acceptance. When we are in resistance mode we feel instant irritation, frustration or anger. We may speak out harshly, bitterly,try to futility stem the unstoppable tide.These attitudes will also profoundly effect how our experience unfolds.

Accepting what is happening right now , does not imply we are happy with a situation or that we condone it, or stop trying to improve it. It just means we don’t  waste our energies in a negative response, instead we utilise our resources in a positive manner.
Stuck in a traffic jam, irritated, angry blood pressure raised, won’t  change the fact, centre yourself use the time to relax  plan for the future, get some unexpected me time. Use the same techniques in relationship issues.

To enable openness you need to put aside your natural resistance, if you  feel resistance in yourself to anything; ideas, situations, events, or people: this question will help you break through that resistance and find ways to make the most of what you’re experiencing. What is there for me to learn here? What can I change? This can shift your focus from everything’s wrong, but it’s nothing to do with me to; to things are not right but what are the possibilities here.

All very well, you may say, I am not the one causing the issues, l am the victim of the situation. But you can only work on your feelings and your reactions and by doing so, you can change your behaviour from a negative to a positive response. Or learn how to deal with issues in a more productive way.

In order to get the best from life, people with well-developed responses know that even the most challenging circumstances, situations, or people have something of value to offer. This isn’t being naive or unrealistic. It’s the simple recognition that things won’t always go our way. Schedules change, cars and computers eventually need repair, and at some point we’re going to encounter long lines, rudeness, or rush-hour traffic. These people know that their experience of these events is directly linked to how they approach them. We need to be one of those people.

Searching for potentially positive aspects or outcomes in the midst of a difficult situation doesn’t deny the seriousness of the circumstances or any pain or grief you and others might be experiencing. On the contrary—focusing on the positive may well give you (and everyone involved) encouragement, confidence, and strength. Qualities like these are very beneficial in the face of challenging circumstances. Remember to look for the positive aspects in each situation you encounter.

When someone expresses an opinion that’s different from yours, ask yourself. What is there for me to learn, here? This will greatly reduce the need to justify your position or defend yourself in some way. Instead, you’re likely to find yourself authentically connecting with this person and genuinely interested in understanding their perspective. Whenever you’re resisting whether it is what is going on right now, whether it’s boredom  impatience or frustration. If you can find a positive,instead of focussing on the negative it can help you let go of unnecessary expectations about  how the world has to work.

When you become more open in your ability to gain positives from life then you are more open to a fulfilling relationship experience.

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