Resentment carried over the years, can lay heavy in our hearts, sour our lives and our relationships. It can be a response we rely on heavily throughout life, when people behave in ways that we see as effecting our value as a human being. We can carry feelings of resentment for years, it can have profound effects on our happiness and on our ability to relate in present day relationships. In order to reduce these feelings we have to try to change how we view events. We cannot change what has happened in the past, but we can change how we interprete those events. The events have happened, they are not condoned, nor are the actions of other people. We just reduce their importance in the here and now.
Everytime we see past events in the same way, we produce the same emotional effect as when the event occurred. We also react in the same way to new issues perpetuating reactions in the present.
Why would we want to change how we perceive these events?
We need to do it for us, it reduces the hurt/anger that we feel, when those events, still impact on our lives. Changing our reactions to events that make us feel disempowered, abused,unhappy, angry can be transformational.
How do we view our experiences and how can we change that viewpoint?
We assign meaning to what we see, due to our learned beliefs and our predjudices.We choose how we view events, although it may be an unconscious choice. So in order to stop past events and emotional responses; Plus that learnt reaction method, from dominating our present lives and relationships, we need to examine them and how we view them. Then try to view them differently. Change your invisible glasses to get a different perspective.
Make a list of the issues where you feel that others are to blame for circumstances in your life. Issues from parents, previous lovers, brothers and sisters,coworkers.
How are these issues impacting on your life in the here and now? Choose one issue to deal with and work on changing your viewpoint.
Issues may be due to feelings of rejection, abandonment, abuse, lack of love,lack of feeling valued, feeling lack of care, feeling second best… Please comment and add to the list.
Experiment with different strategies to look at your issue differently so that you get a different emotional response.
Definition of Resentment
noun re·sent·ment \ri-ˈzent-mənt\
Simple Definition of resentment
: a feeling of anger or displeasure about someone or something unfair
Full Definition of resentment
: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury
Examples of resentment
She bore bitter feelings of resentment toward her ex-husband.
He’s filled with resentment at his boss.
He expressed his resentment of the new policies.
Synonym Discussion of resentment
offense, resentment, umbrage, pique, dudgeon,huff.
Merriam-Webster online dictionary.
Part 2 will look at strategies for purging resentment to improve your relationship and your life.