We enter into a relationship as an independent individual who chooses to spend time with another independent individual. Then suddenly the couple identity takes over, it’s not cool to do things separately we become bound together, to such a degree that sometimes, one member of the partnership, will not make decisions without referring to the other. Whilst it’s true that some decisions need to be consensual, partners should also be free to make their own choices.
Our lives should not revolve round our partners, to the degree that we obsess about what they are doing, when they are not with us. We should not worry about who they are talking to, what is motivating them. We should not imprison them in a relationship but rather set them free to continue to grow and develop. A true partnership in a relationship gives each individual freedom.
Where there is a loving, nurturing, relationship allowing each partner, to freely grow and develop as life evolves. Then that relationship will be happy and healthy and continually evolving too.
Instead of bringing limiting behaviours into our relationships we need to bring expansive behaviours
Each individual needs to recognise that no other person can be responsible for another’s happiness, this has to come from within. People can journey alongside and enhance the feelings of happiness, but cannot take responsibility for another’s happiness.
Individuals understand that their partners enhance them, they do not complete them, they are already complete. If they feel incomplete they need to work on that and not use a partner as a crutch.
Each individual is responsible for their own decisions,choices, beliefs and judgements.
Partners understand that being in a relationship is a choice both make.
Partners celebrate, having their unique partner, in their lives.
Each individual supports the development needs, of the other. Even if this feels like a stressful thing to do.
Partners stay grounded and find time together even at the busiest times.
Each individual tries to be objective in their vision of themselves and their partner accepting the other as they are.
Partners talk to each other and share, values, news and issues non judgementally.
The relationship is a safe loving space for self discovery.
There is a space for independence as well as togetherness.
Adopting such strategies and ditching limiting strategies can give you the relationship you always craved for. Fulfilling, happy, harmonious both partners feeling that life is getting better rather than stale and boring.
If that is your relationship congratulations, keep working at it.
If your relationship is static or deteriorating then you need to start to make some changes in how you think and interact.