Tag: humour
Room with a view
The room with the view
Has a problem or two
Its up five flights of stairs
There aren’t any chairs
When you get to the top
You feel that you’ll drop
You are so red in the face
Breathless with the pace
You have to lie down
Now comes a frown
Cause the room with the view
Its only a loo!
An alternative look at golf
Golf a new sport to try
Learn some new skills to satisfy
Learn to hit a ball with a club
How difficult can it be, unless I hit the scrub
Stand relaxed and swing from the hips
Practice the move, heck have to be a contortionist
Ready to try, they said go to tee
Not the drink I expected, but a plastic dinkie
Now I am worried, is golf really kinky
Is this t motorised and kind of pinky?
I take up my stance and swing at the ball
Manage to hit it no trouble at all
Just heard a comment that’s got up my nose
I know I am no vision in these odd clothes
But to mention my flanks is beyond the pale
They tried to change it to shanks, hah a likely tale
Some talk of an iron
Is it forefits to frighten?
If they bring out their smalls
They can keep their balls
Ah, now somebody just got a birdy
Thats really too much
Killing helpless creatures, thats so out of touch
I think all this perversion
Is too much for me, is there another version
It seems there maybe, maybe I just need a strong cup of tea
With apologies to golfers my try at highlighting some of the golf venacular!
Spell checker
I don’t have attribution for this piece, so I apologise to the author for the lack of acknowledgement. It made me grin and I wanted to share.
Daydream??
Cleaning the house is such a bore
Sinks, basins, and loo rings ever more
Every week the dirt is back
Dust, crumbs, and pubic hair to hack
This male has weekend chores, to do
Day dreaming makes the world renew
He imagines the thoughts of his trusty steed
Who would be imaging, such sexy deeds
While his hands wields the duster
Steed dreams of things, to make him fluster
Hills and valleys to climb and touch
Perky breasts, with knobs and such
Tight trimmed Tabbies Oh so lush
Wet water rafting in tunnels that crush
Syntillating views that stun the senses
Steeds adventures so immenses
Though a steed is versatile
He thinks cleaning such a trial
Cleaning the house is such a bore
Day dreaming mediates the chore
When his steed is bored with cleaning
He stands up to say
Come on want sex…ok?
Going swimming
Swimming today, getting some exercise,
Feeling smug, how could it be otherwise?
Dress in my costume, put on my clothes,
Pack a bag including swimming shoes.
Swimming shoes what an odd idea,
To help me swim better, oh no my dear,
The poolside is wet, slippery like a rink,
Likely to fall on my arse, even with no drink.
In bare feet I slipped and nearly fell,
Going over backwards,would be just sheer hell,
Imagine the sound like a regular earthquake,
Bear in mind I am no small cupcake.
So now my swimming outfit, is so sexily chic,
Till your eyes skim my legs and get to the feet,
Encased in natty blue neoprene very bright,
Maybe best viewed in the dark of the night.
As I saunter to the pool, my feet don’t slip,
They look particularly bizarre, I hope they might be hip,
Slipping into the pool, to begin my exercise,
Feeling smug, how could it be otherwise,
what is a girl to do?
Be it theatre ,concert or in a tent
When you need the loo
There is always a queue
You stand in line
Contemplate crime
Why does it take so long
When there is a throng
For women to pee
Its way beyond me
What else to do
When you want the loo
Behind a tree
People will see
Need to squat
Better not
Its so unfair
There is a gents over there
no queue
Whats a girl to do??
