Tag: humour

Room with a view

The room with the view
Has a problem or two
Its up five flights of stairs
There aren’t any chairs
When you get to the top
You feel that you’ll drop
You are so red in the face
Breathless with the pace
You have to lie down
Now comes a frown
Cause the room with the view
Its only a loo!

An alternative look at golf

​Golf a new sport to try

Learn some new skills to satisfy

Learn to hit  a ball with a club

How difficult can it be, unless I hit the scrub

Stand relaxed and swing from the hips

Practice the move, heck have to be a contortionist 

Ready to try, they said go to tee

 Not the drink I expected, but a plastic dinkie

Now I am worried, is golf really kinky

Is this t motorised and kind of pinky?
I take up my stance and swing at the ball

Manage to hit it no trouble at all

Just heard a comment that’s got up my nose

I know I am no vision in these odd clothes

But to mention my flanks is beyond the pale

They tried to change it to shanks, hah a likely tale

Some talk of an iron

Is it forefits to frighten?

If they bring out their smalls 

They can keep their balls

Ah, now somebody just got a birdy

Thats really too much

Killing helpless creatures, thats so out of touch

I think all this perversion

Is too much for me, is there another version

It seems there maybe, maybe I just need a strong cup of tea
With apologies to golfers my try at highlighting some of the golf venacular! 


​Cleaning the house is such a bore

Sinks, basins, and loo rings ever more

Every week the dirt is back

Dust, crumbs, and pubic hair to hack

This male has weekend chores, to do

Day dreaming makes the world renew

He imagines the thoughts of his trusty steed

Who would be imaging, such sexy deeds

While his hands wields the duster

Steed  dreams of things, to make him fluster

Hills and valleys to climb and touch

Perky breasts, with knobs and such

Tight trimmed Tabbies Oh so lush

Wet water rafting in tunnels that crush

Syntillating views that stun the senses

Steeds adventures so immenses

Though a steed is versatile 

 He thinks cleaning such a trial 

Cleaning the house is such a bore

Day dreaming mediates the chore

When his steed is bored with cleaning

He stands up to say

Come on  want sex…ok?

Going swimming

Swimming today, getting some exercise,
Feeling smug, how could it be otherwise?
Dress in my costume, put on my clothes,
Pack a bag including swimming shoes.

Swimming shoes what an odd idea,
To help me swim better, oh no my dear,
The poolside is wet,  slippery like a rink,
Likely to fall on my arse, even with no drink.

In bare feet I slipped and nearly fell,
Going over backwards,would be just sheer hell,
Imagine the sound like a regular earthquake,
Bear in mind I am no small cupcake.

So now my swimming outfit, is so sexily chic,
Till your eyes skim my legs and get to the feet,
Encased in natty blue neoprene very bright,
Maybe best viewed in the dark of the night.

As I saunter to the pool, my feet don’t slip,
They look particularly bizarre, I hope they might be hip,
Slipping into the pool, to begin my exercise,
Feeling smug, how could it be otherwise,

what is a girl to do?

Be it theatre ,concert or in a tent
When you need the loo
There is always a queue
You stand in line
Contemplate crime
Why does it take so long
When there is a throng
For women to pee
Its way beyond me
What else to do
When you want the loo
Behind a tree
People will see
Need to squat
Better not
Its so unfair
There is a gents over there
no queue
Whats a girl to do??