Category: memories

Ego

Some people chat on line to get to know people make new friends. Some do it boost, their egos to have a virtual affair, to exert their power, to chase capture and discard. Be wise, hold on to your heart, too good to be true? It probably is!

Dreams

What are the dangers of dreams
Infernal fantastic tortuous schemes
The paths that lead to danger
Leading us to falling in love with a stranger

Life set, priorities to be met
Plans in place, moving apace, direction set
Train moving, tracks straight, becoming truly stulifying
All mapped, feeling trapped, not so surprising

Happiness comes and goes
Life has highs but many lows
Lows can breed dreams
What if – scenario scenes

Perfect life, perfect love just like in stories
That’s how life should be in all its glories

Life imperfect and love low key
Partners drifting apart, less connections beastly

Imperative – Need to find that perfect love
Daydreams sees it clear and corroborative
As the song says
you only live twice or so it seems
Once for yourself and once for your dreams

Sweet dreams, perfect dreams, dreams can deceive
Swinging so high, flying on the trapeze
Launching into space, Twisting in the air
Where to land, here, or way over there

Old path , new path just beware
Stop, think and compare
Each path has some danger
Dream path, love with a stranger

You only live twice or so it seems
Once for yourself and once for your dreams

Serendipity

Serendipitous soliloquy 

Does this tirade scan iambically

I pace the floor while shouting my declaimation 

Trying to rid myself of my consternation

You swore you loved me, You chased and wooed me

I began to trust and became your devotee

How could I become sucked in to this morass

I am feeling such an ass
My ego has nose dived my world has rocked

I am feeling such dismay my system is shocked

This drama is unfolding as I play my scene

Wishing like Shakespeare the villain could intervene

Or at least eavesdrop on this great soliloquy

Instead of an audience composed of just me

I hope across the ether the echoes resonate

Making you aware of my solitary debate

Lay your head on my heart

Lay your head on my heart

Feel the beats stop and start
Our mind pictures blending

the feelings we are tending

feel the warmth of my skin

it must be win win

Reach out to me
Feel the beats stop and start

describe your feelings

in this time we are stealing

a time free to care

we have little to spare

Lay your head on my heart
Examine joys from the coffer

take the key

unlock possibilities

Lay your head on my heart

Feel the beats stop and start

You

There is no mistaking you,

Standing poised by the jeep, surrounded by the fractured light

as the sun bounces off metal and glass,

Your head thrown back, emitting sounds, that I cannot hear,

Although I am imagining, the infectious

booming laughter, rolling from your lips. 

Images blown like paper,

Stirring, in the draft from an open window,

Random thoughts of you, connected like patchwork,

As I move closer, you shift, showing

a chistled profile, under the blue baseball cap,

The sculpted solidity of your form in the dark blue fatigues.Alluring.
I walk quietly towards you, but some sixth sense,

Causes you to turn,and I am caught 

mesmerised. By the brightness if your gaze,

Those glorious grey eyes flecked  with gold

Dominant your tanned face. Drawing me into your world,

My heart hammers.
I see the colours, the colours of the African day,

Reflected in the honey toned clarity of your skin, 

The vividness of your eyes, the silver of the 

stubble glinting on your chin, the crows feet

wrinkles, mirroring the drought parched  land.

Etched in memory.
Firm lips. Corners kinked into the hint of a smile,

Open, to speak words in accentless English,

Always a suprise given your antecedents, 

There is a hint of croaky gravelliness in your diction,

 Some harshness evident, registering impatience,

Actions and words, memories and interpretation.
You turn back, then lope  off with long strides, lithe as a big cat ,

Your controlled movements, denote a man of action,

Sexuality oozes, even from your retreating form,

How can you be defined?

Your charm, friends, words, the books you read, the inner man?

My Patchwork picture has empty squares.
There is a cold breeze raising goosebumps on my skin,

As you disappear into the heat haze,

Hopes, dreams,  and beliefs unshared,

Images blown like paper.

Stirring, in the draught from an open window

Whirling, swirling always mine.

The letter.

Activity 6.

March 30th 2017

Dear Sergeant Bristoe,
I wish to share my feelings about the training exercise which took place in January 1987 when you were the platoon instructor. The exercise where you had two near fatalities; it is etched in my mind I hope you remember it.
I understand that training needs be harsh and soldiers must be programmed to obey orders. That we need to push ourselves to the limit and beyond, to meet the objectives. It can be hard to see what is reasonable, when you are being tested past your level of tolerance. 

I would imagine you remember the training exercise, but just in case let me refresh your memory.  It was the last exercise in the January 87 special forces course we were the Bravo group. In the 42-degree heat at the edge of the desert, we were being forced way beyond what was reasonable. We were all experienced soldiers used to obeying orders and to testing ourselves.  We did as we were ordered.

Your role was to push us soldiers to foster all the attributes needed for special forces. You had a job to do. It was the last exercise in a gruelling three days and the conditions as you know had been extreme. You should have assessed the situation more and looked at the condition the recruits were in, before that final exercise. I wanted to tell you to fuck off, which wouldn’t have helped. To highlight that some of the men were too exhausted to do that last big push in the forty plus degree heat.

It is my biggest regret that I didn’t, say what I thought.  If I had, perhaps Mick and Robbo wouldn’t have nearly died. They might both have been able bodied and in the army if not in special forces.

I blame you for your blind determination to goad us lads, to the end, without taking in all the factors in play. I hope you learned from it , and developed further skills in the training and deployment of men. 
The upside for me is that I learnt the lesson well. When I led patrols, I assessed not only the situation but the condition of my men very carefully as part of my planning process. A good lesson but a poor way to have learned it. I still wish I had, the balls to challenge you and it will always be a niggling regret.

Rick Anson.

Gossamer wings

You brushed my life, with gossamer wings

Held captivated by your promises of things
Then you flew away, leaving an indelible mark
A gap, a need, a place that felt so dark
Changing my soul forever, all for naught
But the life cycles of butterflies are short
From this memory springs
Love,Yearning,Sadness, Learning and Strength

Giving and recieving love

That all the love you have given

Will find it’s way back to you 

Is such an untruism

To expect it needs review
Love comes in many guises

We give in many ways

To think it can be balanced, comprises

A skewed view anyway
How can this  be positivity

It feels like a recipe for angst

Its really got my dander up, subjectivity

In a cinche, creating a schism in the heart
Love isn’t a bargaining thing!

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