Category: grief,

Soliloquy

Serendipitous soliloquy
Does this tirade scan iambically
I pace the floor shouting my declaimation
Trying to rid myself of my consternation

You swore you loved me, chased and wooed me
I began to trust became your devotee
How could I become sucked in to this morass
I feel a sad rejected lass

My ego has nose dived my world has rocked
I am feeling such dismay my system is shocked
This drama is unfolding as I play my scene
Wishing like Shakespeare the villain could intervene

Or at least eavesdrop on this great soliloquy
Instead of an audience composed of just me
I hope across the ether the echoes resonate
Making you aware of my solitary debate

Serendipity

Serendipitous soliloquy 

Does this tirade scan iambically

I pace the floor while shouting my declaimation 

Trying to rid myself of my consternation

You swore you loved me, You chased and wooed me

I began to trust and became your devotee

How could I become sucked in to this morass

I am feeling such an ass
My ego has nose dived my world has rocked

I am feeling such dismay my system is shocked

This drama is unfolding as I play my scene

Wishing like Shakespeare the villain could intervene

Or at least eavesdrop on this great soliloquy

Instead of an audience composed of just me

I hope across the ether the echoes resonate

Making you aware of my solitary debate

My home

Inside my bag are packed the things

that fill my heart with joy

the faded, threadbare shawl

that whispers 

a tinplate soldier toy.
Inside my bag wrapped well in cloth 

a tiny mirror fragment

immortalised inside that glass

the ghosts of those I love

Some memories are intransigent
Inside my bag stowed very safe

two  engraved silver napkin rings

a wooden bowl of cedar wood

an ebony black queen a

reminder of past sins

Inside my bag I have my home

memories, from days gone by

I lost the rest, I am alone

I will be till I die.
The hostel for the homeless 

Is where I rest my head

My bag stops my neurosis

My home sits under my bed. 

Life has moved on updated

Here is the first version of this Pantoun I have since reworked        it please see the second version any thoughts if either works?

        I flutter and fly like a trapped butterfly

Commitment I promised it wasn’t a lie

While life has moved your love I  still crave

It applies throughout life into the grave

Commitment, I promised it wasn’t a lie

I tried to stay true but you said goodbye

It applies throughout life into the grave 

Once word is given it shouldn’t enslave

I stayed true but you said goodbye

Needs, change the picture I understand why

Once word is given, it should not enslave

We should try to honour it  be strong and brave

Needs change the picture I understand why

You need to move on although I shall cry

Though we should try to honour it, be strong and brave

Throw out  commitment, morality waive

You need to move on although I shall cry

I will find a way, to fly in the sky

Throw out commitment morality waive

I keep my values my sanity to save

I will find a way to fly in the sky

While life has moved your love I still crave

I keep my values my sanity to save

I flutter and fly like a trapped butterfly.
Written in the form Pantoum .

Version 2.
I flutter and fly like a trapped butterfly

The commitment you  promised was a big lie

Now you have gone your love I  still crave

It will probably stay till I go to my grave
The commitment, you promised was a big lie

I wanted to stay true but you said goodbye

It will probably stay till I go to my grave 

Although a love once given, shouldn’t be betrayed
I wanted to stay true but you said goodbye

You changed the picture I don’t understand why

Although a love once given, shouldn’t be betrayed

We should try to honour it  be strong and brave
You changed the picture I don’t understand why

You left with such bitterness it’s hard to justify 

Though we should try to honour it, be strong and brave

There comes a time with sadness our feelings to waive
You left with such bitterness it’s hard to justify

I need to rebuild my life and just quantify

There comes a time with sadness our feelings to waive

The old life with you has nothing to save
I need to rebuild my life and just quantify

Now you have gone your love I still crave

But the old life with you has nothing to save

I flutter and fly like a freed butterfly

.

Looking for you

I spent my life looking for you

Now I have found you,am happy but blue

It’s too late for you to be my mate

Wasted years, parlous state

Too many miles travelled

Too many locks to unravel

Could I be selfish and go with my heart

Whilst breaking many others,would just be the start

Now I stand on the precipice 

Looking back and forwards on the edge of bliss

Knowing that glimpse is my only prize

Now a life wedded to duty and fuelled by lies

I spent my life looking for you

Such a stupid thing to do! 

Walking out

Every dream you promised me

Drew me close, then misery

Your words were seductive don’t you see.
You took my heart and held it safe

I gave my trust, to an inventive knave

My first mistake, I can vouchsafe.
Those carefully crafted  lies of yours

Drew me in, closed other doors

You locked my heart, that gave me pause.
You buried that key, and pulled me low

I was drowning in your undertow

You swore to never let me go.
My will was sapped, your wiles were strong

This warped existence , became life’s song

I need the strength  to right the wrong.
From the dirt ,the key I hold, now I just need,to be bold

Without a doubt, I am walking out, you lost your hold

Your seductive schemes just leave me cold.

Gossamer wings

You brushed my life, with gossamer wings

Held captivated by your promises of things
Then you flew away, leaving an indelible mark
A gap, a need, a place that felt so dark
Changing my soul forever, all for naught
But the life cycles of butterflies are short
From this memory springs
Love,Yearning,Sadness, Learning and Strength

Diverting my love

I got carried away by our interaction,

Thought it was a source of mutual attraction,

I got carried away by your seeming caring,

Those whispered words and the texts endearing,

I imagined ,we shared something special at times,

I am sure we did, fleetingly, or maybe I am blind,

I knew you had  others,

Then there were your brothers,

Our time together, seemed  intense,

In this universe, it felt immense,

I realised, I had been carried away,

The day you forgot my words, of yesterday,

As one of the crowd, I am just a fleeting fling,

It won’t be me, when cupid, releases the arrow from the sling,

It pains me to release these silken chords,

But our relationship, will never win any awards,

I got carried away and am getting hurt,

I am setting us free, my love to divert.

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