Category: sharing

Relationships…emotional baggage

Is your partner failing to meet your needs, not making you happy, are you drifting apart?

Are new relationships failing?

Maybe some of the cause of your problems is the amount of emotional baggage you are carrying that is impacting on your behaviour and your expectations.

How much emotional baggage are you carrying ?

Is emotional baggage impacting on a relationship, or stopping you making that new relationship successfully?

To make space in your life for a new relationship or to improve your current one, its time to start releasing anything you’ve been holding on to that is preventing you from experiencing true intimacy(baggage). Identifying those issues and working to eradicate them will bring you to a level of self-awareness that will give you insight, flexibility, and freedom, making you much more available for  satisfying relationships.  Heard the phrase  someone has “too much baggage” to be ready for a committed, connected relationship, its true. We have a set of beliefs about ourselves and others that we have gathered over the years many learned in childhood, these beliefs we use consciously and unconsciously to live our lives. The problem is that some of these truisms, beliefs …are negatives and some are actually untrue but we believe in them and they colour our actions and attitudes as we go about the daily grind.

Baggage isn’t always what we think it is. It isn’t necessarily our circumstances, our past, or even the issues we’re currently working with. Baggage is often just a lack of flexibility about accepting whatever is showing up in our life or someone else’s and therefore an inability to move forward.

We all have baggage. What’s important is recognizing our baggage and minimizing its effects on our relationships.

An underlying feeling of emptiness, loneliness, or longing is something many, if not most, of us have experienced at one time or another. No matter how rich our lives may be, with a satisfying career, material wealth, and plenty of friends, we may still be carrying around a low-level feeling that something important is missing. This can be made worse by negative thoughts about our lives.

The place many of us turn  to in order to address our feeling of incompleteness, is our  relationships.

Great you are saying, I find my other half ,my soul mate and everything will be hunky dorey. Maybe…but if all it takes is to find the significant other , why are so many relationships rocky? Is it that many of us have not  found the right fit, or is it the baggage that one or both of us is carrying that is impeding harmony.

Our  significant other can only offer us acknowledgment, encouragement, approval, acceptance, they cannot make us feel complete and whilst we have our baggage it will  never be enough to end our feelings of dissatisfaction of wanting.

Once we realize that a partner is not going to be the one to make us happy or give us everything we think we need to be complete, we’re likely to feel disappointed, discouraged, and maybe even resentful.

We often unknowingly drag a suitcase full of problems into a new relationship, drop them at our partner’s feet, and say, “Fix these for me!”

The way out of this trap is to make a commitment to ‘being the one’ who will address your own issues,to be honest with yourself and look at the roots of your ideas, prejudices and behaviour. When you no longer need your partner’s validation, then any encouragement, love, or guidance your partner does offer you will be their very best, given freely and from a place of love. When validation is no longer the primary reason you’re in a relationship, you can explore, enjoy, and appreciate everything that relationship has to offer.

Follow……Lead

​Follow where you lead 

Or tread my own path

Walk beside you

But stop at the gate

Or to you subjugate
Share the path finding 

Draw a joint map

Space to walk together

To avoid the main trap

Map out routes for solo travel 

With routes back to home
Lead where you follow

Follow where you lead

Jointly share the burden

That way we succeed.

Love

​Love is the joy

Love is the motivator

Love is the buzz

Love is the decoy

Love is the lance 

Stabbing the unwary, part of a dance

Love can destroy

Love can be the laser

Cauterising the heart

Love can be pain

Tearing worlds apart

Love can be bitter

Love can be sweet

Love can be dark

Twisted with blight

Love can be bright

Radiating light

Love is an emotion

Hard to define

Comes in many guises

Hard to define

Love is the bell weather the holy grail

If its missing we think we failed.

 

Proverb’s and sayings.

​The grass is always greener on the other side

Does that mean we should run there, or take time to decide

Curiosity killed the cat

Should we make note of that

A rolling stone doesn’t gather moss

Is that about living life, not giving a toss

All that glitters is not gold

Dreams are good but check the road

Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water

Hold onto the good, reflect, reorder

Every cloud has a silver lining

If only we could see past hurt and anger, learn, stop pining

Life is not about making others happy

It’s about sharing your happiness with others

Proverbs and sayings litter our speech

Are there truths there within our reach?

  

Tricky?

​Attraction snuck up on us quickly

The lure of romance in the air

That first wave of emotion swept us away

No need for Tinder, its redundant today

We floated along on clouds of pheromones 

Unpinned by laughter and shared interest

We couldn’t stop touching each other

 Magnetism was off the top of the scale

This seemed like a long term relationship

It was too exciting to fail

Our essences wove tight together

Linked tightly, something to treasure

Then one day we seemed to falter

Things seemed to subtlety alter

A ripple and tearing of our bond

Has part of the attraction left

I am feeling slightly bereft

Attraction snuck up on us quickly

Is phase two going to be tricky? 

Bearing gifts

​I come bearing gifts

Not the tangible gifts wrapped in coloured paper

My gifts are maybe of the ether, concoctions of vapour

I hope my gifts are priceless, they cannot be bought

They are not in the shops, they may be gifts, you have not sought.
I come bearing gifts

My love a beacon on the gloomiest day and the darkest night

Soft silvery light to shine in the darkest corners, extra bright

Enabling you the strength to fight your dragons

An extra support in your times of despair, or adverse circumstances
Non judgemental listening allowing openness and trust

Engagement of ears and brain, freeing communication lines, of rust

Trust, that you will find the best way that you can 

A commitment to share my values but not try to force  you to rescan.
A desire to share all of life

With a raft and a map to ride out the strife

The knowledge that everybody also needs space

Not to be hog tied in life’s hectic race.
A bag of humour yet to be shared

Silly moments, joy and laughter cannot be compared

The knowledge that we all need to be self fullfilled

Both need to grow to and for the future build.
My bag of gifts is light on baggage

Many more gifts are there prepackaged

Look and experience my vaporous gifts

I hope they are suitable, they are not to be missed!
I come bearing gifts.

Lover…..soulmate

What is a lover……soul mate?
Somebody that makes ones heart sing
Who cares about the true spirit
Who strives to see your innermost wants and understands your rights to live by your beliefs
Who listens to what you are saying and acts accordingly
In their arms you feel safe and happy
When you are with them, they are the centre of your universe
They know when to act and when to comfort
When you are with them you feel you are the centre of their universe